On the origin of spotless: Where does the nesting instinct come from?
If you’ve ever found your pregnant self ironing baby socks or disinfecting the screws in your cabinets, you’re already familiar with the nesting instinct. This primal urge that usually hits women around the fifth month of pregnancy is notorious for channeling its victims’ energies into (arguably!) silly cleaning tasks in preparation for Baby’s arrival, but few moms-to-be have questioned where the urge comes from and why it’s so strong. Though no one can pinpoint exactly why nesting affects up to 99% of all pregnant women, many have presented theories about the origin of spotless. And these theories might surprise you (i.e., comparisons to monkeys are rare).
You are yearning for something familiar.
Especially if this baby is your first, you may be apprehensive about all the unknowns of labour, childbirth, and parenthood. You’ve heard so many times that nothing prepares you for the reality, and that’s true (for better or worse). So what’s a mama-to-be to do when she thinks she can’t do anything? How about wash Baby’s onesies in milk? Replace all the towels in the house? Resod the front yard? The tasks themselves may be (gasp!) inconsequential, but they speak to a collective desire to understand at least one aspect of this impending change, to familiarize oneself with the strangers who are about to move in. And yes, strangers is intentionally plural in this sense: you as a mother will be as new to you as your baby.
You are trying to increase your infants’ chances of survival.
This is the obvious theory, in the evolutionary sense. Like all female mammals, humans seek to prepare a safe, warm place for their offspring, which increases the chances that the new arrival will thrive. Said chances are debatably increased by, say, choosing organic cotton bedding over bamboo, but hey, at least you aren’t using leaves and twigs.
You are trying to prove yourself.
I clean, therefore I mother? So seems to be the unconscious battle cry of this particular theory, which suggests that by vacuuming your vacuum and washing your soap, you are destined to be a perfect parent. To some extent, the theory makes sense: motherhood is, unfortunately, full of judgment from others and of ourselves, and because of the aforementioned inability to understand what we’re in for before we’re in it, we inevitably try to insert ourselves into the club ahead of time. Two mamas-to-be may bond over how crazily they’ve been cleaning the house lately, while an experienced mother may laugh in recognition when a pregnant friend relates how essential it is to remove, wash, and reattach all baseboards in the final months of pregnancy. Interestingly, the opposite also rings true once you’re in the throes of motherhood: picture two mamas resting on a park bench while their little ones play, and you can bet the conversation will, sooner or later, turn to whose house most resembles a war zone.
You are giving yourself a break.
Even a first-time mama-to-be understands that her free time is about to evaporate. By cleaning your nest from top to bottom before Baby’s arrival, you are freeing yourself of the responsibility of domestic upkeep --- at least for a little while. Sure, the carpets will need to be vacuumed again someday, but doing so twice a day for ninety days prior to giving birth surely buys a postpartum mama at least six months, right? Ironically, taking on all the extra work of preparing the nest means there’s less work to do once your baby is here --- well, less house-related work, anyway.
The origin of spotless probably lies where all the above theories intersect, and each mama will identify with at least one to suit her mothering personality. The important thing to remember is this: the way you nest is not necessarily the way you will mother, and that’s probably a good thing. After all, who will marvel at the ever-changing colour of your newborn’s eyes if Mama is busy dusting the tchotchkes?
From the March 2010 issue of The Source
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