Baby spoiling, and other myths: What attachment parenting is not
Are you considering, or already practicing, an attached style of parenting for your baby? If you’re like many of our readers, you might feel alone in your choice, even as you feel it’s the right one. Everyone around you says you need to let your baby cry to get her to sleep; everyone says you’re spoiling your infant by holding him all the time. Well, guess what. The bad news is that attachment parenting (AP) isn’t a simple road to take. The good news is that you’re definitely not alone.
Here are some myth busters from The Attachment Parenting Book by Dr. William Sears and his wife, Martha Sears, R.N. The next time someone suggests you’re spoiling your baby, you can quip that babies don’t spoil; fruit does.
Attachment parenting is not…
- New: Parents around the world have long practiced AP as a biological imperative rather than a philosophical choice. It is actually only in the last century that a more restrained style of parenting came into popularity.
- Indulgent: AP advocates responding appropriately to your baby’s needs, not giving into his or her every whim. Attached parents know when to say no, and they know how to say it to get the best response.
- Martyring: When practicing AP the way it was meant to be practiced, parents do not feel tied down. Instead, they feel tied together --- and happily so --- with their babies.
- Hard: At least, AP is not any harder than any other style of parenting. Parents are givers, and babies are takers, yes, but this is the case regardless of your approach. Practicing AP empowers parents to know how to respond sensitively when their babies cry.
- Rigid: AP is not a set of rules to follow. It is a style of parenting that trusts in the intuition of the parents and the intelligence of the baby. You will know what needs to be done in a given situation, and you’ll know how to do it.
- Spoiling: If your baby cries and you pick her up, you’re not spoiling her; you’re saying, “I respect that you are communicating with me the best way you know how, and I am responding.” Responding to your baby’s cries develops trust.
- Dependence-forming: On the contrary, children who were parented in the AP style are empowered to be more independent as they grow.
- Weird: All kinds of parents practice AP. Teenage mothers, executives, middle-class families, and all nationalities can practice and benefit from the style. You are not alone!
- All or nothing: There are seven tenets of attachment parents according to The Attachment Parenting Book. But not practicing one or more of these tenets, for whatever reason, does not make you unattached. Pick the principles that work for you and your baby.
- Only for mothers: Attached fathers can bring a perspective to this style of parenting that mothers need. If your baby needs you so much that you can’t take a shower, it’s time to give Dad the sling and let him impress you and bond with your baby.
Birth Source Inc. stocks the following hand-selected books about attachment parenting:
The Attachment Parenting Book by William Sears, M.D.; and Martha Sears, R.N.
Nighttime Parenting by William Sears, M.D.
The Vital Touch by Sharon Heller
Sleeping with Your Baby: A Parent’s Guide to Cosleeping by James McKenna
From the October 2009 issue of The Source
